me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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