Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
