Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
