He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
