I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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