used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
