it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
