they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
