i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
