I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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