sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
