So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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