i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
