i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
