You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
