It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
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You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
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I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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