I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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