I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she peed on how many people?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
