he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
