Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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