So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
