I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
