ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You made out with two different species that night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
