I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
