Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
