What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
