p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
