His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
