Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
