You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
