Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
