So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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