"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The power of my boobs compel you
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
