His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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