It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
