Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize