she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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