i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
