I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
