...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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