Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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