thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
