where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
