He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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