i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Shame is for Republicans.
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