Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
