Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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