OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Houston, we have a blender
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
