I think im going to throw up on grandma
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
