It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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