It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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