jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
