He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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