I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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