My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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