it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
