Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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