my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
