I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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