literally had 100 drinks last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
