I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
