I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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