I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
