I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
