I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
