He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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