4 words: hood of his car
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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