I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
