idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
