if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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