I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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