I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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