Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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