I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
